ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize