weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
