hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
