I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
