If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
ok first of all what the fuck
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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