there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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