I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Randomize
