yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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