Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
