I hate your face
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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