when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
