Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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