every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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