my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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