I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it hurts more in the daytime
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
