I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i out mim tonsoeep
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