If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
