if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
