I looked at my own cervix.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
