Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
