the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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