whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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