Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I murdered the dance floor call the cops

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(440): View more from Ohio

obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.

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(410): View more from Maryland

my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"

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(641): View more from Iowa

i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip

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(303): View more from Colorado

She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.

(719): View more from Colorado

this better not be you asking for a beej

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(949): View more from California

I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that

(781): View more from Massachusetts

You literally made that 4 hours ago...

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