His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
