Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
