I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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