i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
