dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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