Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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