I just threw up on my dentist
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
