Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize