I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
