Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
