Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize