He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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