a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
