I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
