This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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