Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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