it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
