Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
