I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize