Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
