There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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