whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
