Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
