mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
