I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What a dumb baby whore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
