I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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