I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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