Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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