i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My vagina just recognized that song.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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