Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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