was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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