Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
