He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you win again, gameday.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
