I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
