I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
