How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize