i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
