All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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