were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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