so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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