So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
