And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
