i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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